“I don’t wanna, my feet hurt,” Jamie whined.
“You said they were fun at the house, we could’ve taken the flat ones,” his father Kevin reminded him, visibly exasperated. “You were enjoying it when we practiced. Remember, it’s supposed to be fun!” Kevin tried to reignite his son’s enthusiasm, but Jamie only pouted harder. “I don’t wanna be Mom anymore; I need to pee really bad. Why won’t you just come with me?” Jamie complained as he got up from his seat. He was surprisingly good at walking in heels, which was one less headache for Kevin. Jamie began to waddle toward the bathroom, clutching at his privates in obvious distress. Kevin quickly swatted his hands away. “Stop that, you know better. Especially in your mother’s body.” Jamie pressed on desperate to reach ithe bathroom he saw earlier.
“Remember, you have to wipe when you’re done and wash your hands,” Kevin called out, stopping Jamie just short of the door. “Wipe what?” Jamie blurted out as he escaped his father’s grasp and click-clacked into the bathroom. Noticing the absence of urinals, he rushed into a stall. Standing in front of the toilet, he lifted his long dress and reached down, only to find nothing there. “Oh, duh, forgot.” Jamie shuffled forward, using both hands to keep his dress clear as he awkwardly relieved himself. He tried to shake dry, careful to avoid touching the same hole he came out of. Shuddering at the thought, he finally let his dress fall back into place, puzzled why women hadn’t devised a better system.
Deciding to skip handwashing since he hadn’t touched anything, Jamie rejoined his father outside. “Everything OK? Were you able to go?” Kevin looked concerned. “Yep! All good. Are all girls really like that?” Jamie asked innocently. Kevin chuckled, unsure how to respond. “Let’s get you home and back to normal,” he suggested. “But I want to see what all the hype is about with alcohol before I’m not an adult anymore,” Jamie insisted. Kevin’s smile faded. “Absolutely not, mister.”
“Fine.” Jamie walked off in a huff, then paused and flashed a mischievous grin back at his father. “Guess Mom’s gonna find out who went to the work party she didn’t want to go to.” Kevin paused, weighing his options. “Okay, but not at my company event. Can’t have you getting tipsy around my coworkers.”
